Hilson

Hilson is a combination of the names Gregory House and James Wilson and refers to the two doctors being romantically interested in each other.

Quotes

Season 1

"Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain."

―Occam's Razor

"Wilson: I’ve got no kids, my marriage sucks; I’ve only got two things that work for me: this job and this stupid, screwed-up friendship, and neither mattered enough to you to give one lousy speech.
House: They mattered."

―Babies & Bathwater

Season 2

"House: I am not treating you.
Kalvin: What, because you're a closet-case?
Wilson: Err... we're not... err... together.
House: He is so self-loathing."

―Hunting

"Stacy: If Chase screwed up so badly, why didn't you fire him?
House: He has great hair.
Stacy: What are you hiding?
House: I'm gay. Oh... that's not what you meant. It does explain a lot though. No girlfriend, always with Wilson, obsession with sneakers."

―The Mistake

"House: Hey honey, how are the kids? They miss me?"

―Failure to Communicate

"House: You blow dry your hair?
Wilson: Oh, sorry, did I wake you up?
House: You blow dry your hair?!"

―Clueless

Season 3

"Foreman: Where are you going?
House: To get a 400 dollar butt plug.
Cameron: What about George?
House: He's going to have to get his own."

―Que Será Será

"Wilson: Fine, you've known him since Cub Scouts. The more interesting question isn't what you dreamed but why? I'm guessing you're longing for either a renewed relationship with your dad or a new relationship with one of the Village People.
House: He was in the Navy not the Marines.
Wilson: I thought your dad was in the Marines?
House: The guy in the Village People.
Wilson: Actually he's only in the Navy when they sang, In The Navy. The rest of the time he's just in generic fatigues. What? You brought it up!"

―Top Secret

"Dr. Eric Foreman: You didn't have any coffee when you came back
Dr. Allison Cameron: All right! Already! We confess! You caught us, we snuck into one of the sleep lab rooms to have sex, we shouldn't have done it while we were supposed to be working and we're sorry, now can we move on?
Dr. Eric Foreman: House would do Wilson before you'd do Chase.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No you would do House AND Wilson before I do Chase. Now can we get back to work?

(at that time, actually, Cameron was with Chase, and she was in fact doing Chase, so Chase looked shocked while she was saying it. He also reminded everyone that she did in fact do him once in the past.) "

―Top Secret

Season 4

"Wilson: Just looking at you hurts. I'm going to order up some extra pain meds.
House: I love you."

―97 Seconds

"Wilson: Well it's great how he rebounded from that setback.
Director: What setback?
Wilson: He didn't tell you about the...? Well, it's his right. The records were sealed. Personally, I think he was just tapping his foot and reaching for the toilet paper. Obviously, it was a witch hunt.
Director: You think they singled him out because..."

―Ugly

"Wilson: You are so full of love… or something. When you care about someone —
House: You lie to them! You pretend that their constant ponderous musing are interesting. You tell them they’re not losing their boyish good looks or becoming worn out.
Wilson: I stand corrected and may I say, it’s been a real pleasure chatting with you."

―It's a Wonderful Lie

"House: This isn't just about the sex. You like her personality. You like that she's conniving. You like that she has no regard for consequences. You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves— Oh my God. You're sleeping with me."

―Don't Ever Change

"Wilson: House, you're right. Why not? Why not date you? It's brilliant. We've known each other for years. We've put up with all kinds of crap from each other. And we keep coming back. We're a couple."

―Don't Ever Change

"Wilson: Well, if you'd looked at me with those flashing eyes before I was involved...."

―Don't Ever Change

Season 5

"House: Have you checked the prices for firemen strippers recently?
Wilson: Yes."

―Joy to the World

"Amber: That might explain why you're hallucinating, doesn't explain why you're hallucinating Wilson's dead girlfriend.
House: Probably because of my secret and very unconscious desire to get Wilson into my bedroom."

―House Divided

Season 6

"Garney: It can be tough sometimes.
House: I'm not gay.
Garney: Oh, neither am I.
House: Actually, I am. See that guy over there? He's my lover. He's also my psychiatrist, which some would argue is a little inappropriate, but they just don't know what love is. Am I right?"

―Broken

"House: Back off. People already think we're gay."

―Broken

"Cameron: You know how House feels about people touching his ball.
Foreman: No, Chase refuses to tell me.
Cameron: Right, my husband's gay. Witty."

―Epic Fail

"House: You already made me get a roommate. Wilson's got one bedroom. I don't think we can get any more connected without unzipping."

―Epic Fail

"Wilson: Roll your meatballs and keep an open mind. How hard are you trying not to make a ball joke right now?
House: They're smoking. Your balls.
Wilson: Oh. No, no. They're browning way too fast.
House: Blue's the color you gotta watch out for."

―Epic Fail

"Wilson: You might have saved my balls.
House: That's the spirit!"

―Epic Fail

"Wilson: Did you even go to bed last night?
House: Bed is for sissies. Unless you're having sex, in which case... No, bed is still for sissies."

―Epic Fail

"Wilson: You were enjoying cooking.
House: How like a man to think that I enjoy slaving over a hot stove all day while you're off banging secretaries."

―Epic Fail

"House: If you wanted a quickie, you should have called ahead."

―Epic Fail

"House: Hide your eyes, ladies.
Cuddy: House.
House: You, too."

―Epic Fail

"House: Hi, honey. How was your day?"

―The Tyrant

"House: Oh, unfortunately, I'm overdue on a mani-pedi appointment."

―Instant Karma

"Thirteen: Are you here to try to save my relationship with Foreman?
House: God, no. I'm trying to save my relationship with Foreman."

―Instant Karma

"Wilson: Because you're not as big a jerk as everyone thinks.
House: Yes, I am.
Wilson: No, you're not."

―Instant Karma

"House: I was saying, do you think these shoes work in this color?"

―Brave Heart

"Wilson: If you need to talk, if you need more help...
House: I'm just tired.
Wilson: ...I'm right here."

―Brave Heart

"House: You don't think there might be a logical explanation? Something I missed?
Wilson: You're the smartest guy I know. If you haven't thought of it, it doesn't exist."

―Brave Heart

"House: You can talk to me, I'm right here."

―Brave Heart

"House: Hi, Dad. I think I've been focusing on the wrong thing. There were some good times. Wilson, this is stupid!
Wilson: You see? He really is getting better."

―Brave Heart

"House: Why are you packing?
Wilson: We're leaving this afternoon for the conference on pharmacology and public policy.
House: We?
Wilson: We discussed this. It's been on your calendar for weeks."

―Known Unknowns

"House: I thought about it. You're right, I should go to the conference.
Wilson: You found out Cuddy's going.
House: Oh, God, no. She'll ruin everything.
Wilson: We leave in two hours."

―Known Unknowns

"Wilson: If there's one thing I've learned from you, it's that I should do what I think is right, and not worry about the consequences."

―Known Unknowns

"Wilson: What are you thinking about?"

―Known Unknowns

"House: I was wrong when I wrote that. I've never given any less than my best. I'm incapable of turning away from a responsibility. My friends take advantage of that fact far too often. I know that I gave that man everything I could. And I know that he knew that, too."

―Known Unknowns

"Wilson: What the hell? You think that little shout out is gonna make me forget that you drugged me, hid my pants, stole my speech?
House: You wanted the paper out there. It's out there. And your job is safe.
Wilson: That was my paper. You don't ask what I want, you ignore my wishes, you drug me...
House: I'm waiting for you to name something new to our relationship."

―Known Unknowns

"Wilson: When you do what I did, it's not enough to tell yourself you did nothing wrong. You need to hear it from someone else. If not God or society, a friend, otherwise you go crazy. What you said to me up there... Thank you."

―Known Unknowns

"Cameron: Is that...
House: He's not without talent."

―Teamwork

"Wilson: You feel abandoned by Cuddy, so you're reaching out to people you know for comfort.
House: Oh, my God, you're right. I don't need doctors at all. I just need a good friend."

―Teamwork

"House: Missed you at breakfast this morning. And lunch."

―Ignorance is Bliss

"Wilson: This cannot end well.
House: Don't want it to end well. You should come as my date. You're not gonna want to miss this."

―Ignorance is Bliss

"Thirteen: What's with the ties?
House: Makes me look adorably non-threatening."

―Ignorance is Bliss

"House: He's a self-important jerk.
Wilson: He's my friend.
House: He's a self-important jerk.
Wilson: Seems to be what I'm attracted to."

―Wilson

"House: The self-important jerk does not have Transverse Myelitis. He's got cancer.
Wilson: How do you even...
House: Okay. Maybe I paid the redhead down in records a few bucks to CC me on all your cases. A few patients die, you might get sad again, make a speech that would end your career. Frankly, I'm stalking you for you."

―Wilson

"House: Look, friends don't diagnose friends with cancer. I get it. Your problem is you're not objective. Your caring is clouding your diagnosis. If you just cut that out, you could be a pretty decent doctor."

―Wilson

"House: Hey, can't a guy get a little privacy?
Wilson: Nice hiding spot.
House: Actually, it's perfect. It allows me to hide from Cuddy and find you."

―Wilson

"Wilson: There's nothing to talk about.
House: Why are you doing surgery when I need you finding me a new case?
Chase: You don't want a new case.
House: Oh, right. Guess I'm here for Wilson."

―Wilson

"House: This is the 21st century, Wilson. I realize that the logical course in any adult relationship could one day lead to fornication."

―Wilson

"Wilson: Every now and again, I'd like to come home without getting interrogated.
House: Someone's cranky."

―Wilson

"House: Why did you go out drinking alone when you got such great company here?"

―Wilson

"Wilson: It's my fault. It is my fault. I gave him too much chemo.
House: You cured his cancer.
Wilson: And killed him in the process.
House: Quibbles. He's had a predictable complication. Surprise. Bad things happen to people who are sick. Doesn't make you responsible.
Wilson: Oh. Not legally, ethically. Ethically.
House: A table is a table. Don't be a doormat, Wilson."

―Wilson

"Wilson: Call me a doormat, get it all out of your system, but I'm doing it.
House: Why?
Wilson: He's my friend.
House: I'm your friend."

―Wilson

"House: So why are you here? You wanna make sure that I've called a moving van?
Wilson: No. The operation is in two hours, and I'd like you to be there with me.
House: No.
Wilson: Why?
House: Because if you die, I'm alone."

―Wilson

"House: You don't feel angry?
Wilson: Oh, I'm a little disappointed.
House: Disappointment is anger for wimps. You don't have to be so gentle about everything. It's okay to get angry once in a while."

―Wilson

"Wilson: She hurt my friend. She should be punished.
House: You got mad. I'm proud of you."

―Wilson

"House: Yes, he won't tell us anything. Understandable, since he's a drug dealer.
Thirteen: So he's dangerous and withholding, which you find irresistible. But guys like that, they never call."

―The Down Low

"Nora: So if you have any more questions about the neighborhood, I'm your girl.
Wilson: Uh, favorite sushi place. Maybe we could get dinner sometime.
Nora: Sure... if you promise to bring that good-looking guy with the cane.
Wilson: You mean House?
Nora: Your boyfriend's name is House?
Wilson: H–he's not my boyfriend.
Nora: Oh... Heh, I'm sorry. Wh-what do you call each other? Husband? Partner? Lover?
Wilson: We're not gay.
Nora: Seriously?"

―The Down Low

"Wilson: Everyone in our building thinks we're gay.
House: We're grown men over the age of 30 who moved in together. We're two tigers away from an act in Vegas."

―The Down Low

"House: And a woman would only reject you because she's worried that you might not be interested in her.
Wilson: We were chatting, having fun. There was definitely a spark.
House: When she thought you were gay. What is a culotte, anyway?
Wilson: Pants that hang like a skirt."

―The Down Low

"House: I hear you thought that Wilson and I liked to polish each other's swords. And by swords, I mean pistols.
Nora: Of course he told you about that.
House: Oh, don't worry. Actually, I'm surprised that doesn't happen more often. We're both straight. Oh, my... God, that is beautiful. We finally have the room to display it the way it deserves. Would you – would you help me get this upstairs?
Nora: Absolutely.
House: Nice shoes, by the way. Louboutin?"

―The Down Low

"Wilson: I ran into Nora this morning. She told me about your Evita listening party.
House: The London and New York recordings are so different.
Wilson: You were supposed to tell her that we're straight.
House: She didn't believe me, either."

―The Down Low

"House: We're in a relationship, but we're really unhappy. Communication's never been easy for us, probably because we're so closeted."

―The Down Low

"Wilson: She's never gonna fall for it.
House: Well, then, you got nothing to worry about, sweetie."

―The Down Low

"Wilson: House is lying to you.
Nora: I know. And so are you. It's 2010. I mean, nobody cares if you're gay any more. I mean, you don't have to be in the closet."

―The Down Low

"Wilson: Look around you. Does this really look like a place gay men live? Apart from the poster. Those stools are our only furniture. There are no window treatments.
Nora: My ex-boyfriend didn't even know what window treatments were. Is that Greg's Carpenters album or yours?
Wilson: Look, House hates musicals and fashion and meringue. This whole thing is an act designed to earn your trust... in order to sleep with you.
Nora: I get it.
Wilson: Finally.
Nora: You're jealous. You know, if you want to spend more time with Greg, you should just tell him."

―The Down Low

"House: The jealousy is... killing me.
Nora: Well... he clearly cares about you. Very much.
House: Why can't he show it in a – in a normal way? I'm so tired of... the whole silence and the resentment. I don't know if I can go back there tonight. I need some time."

―The Down Low

"Wilson: I love this man. And I am not wasting another moment of my life denying that. Gregory House... will you marry me?
House: Wow. This is unexpected."

―The Down Low

"House: Wilson thought you were cute, and I was just yanking his chain. Maybe that's not the best phrasing."

―The Down Low

"House: Mendacious dirtbag comes much more naturally to me. At least we can get rid of that.
Wilson: I kind of like it."

―The Down Low

"Wilson:
♪♫ One
♪♫ Singular sensation
♪♫ Every little step she takes
House: I will punch you in the face."

―The Down Low

"House: We said we'd never to go to sleep angry!"

―Remorse

"Taub: Who are you hiding from?
House: Wilson. And the lunch date that Wilson is, no doubt, right now, trying to sic on me. But in the great game of chess that is our relationship, Wilson sees only one move ahead, I see dozens. That is why he will never mate me. That's a chess term."

―Remorse

"Wilson: Of all the people to go the extra mile for, why this guy?
House: I don't know, he just kind of smells good and makes me laugh."

―Remorse

"Nolan: You're not feeling a little... betrayed and angry? Wilson bought a two-bedroom condo specifically so that you could move in with him. It wasn't that long ago. You don't feel a little... jerked around?"

―Baggage

"Nolan: But you chose his company deliberately. Why?
House: Obviously because he's a Wilson substitute."

―Baggage

"House: I like my stuff. I hate it when Wilson moves it—
Nolan: Oh...
House: This is not about Wilson!"

―Baggage

"House: Wilson noticed that I didn't come to my office all day. He came to find me, wanted to make sure I'm okay — boring, boring, boring."

―Baggage

"Nolan: Why were you being so hard on the guy, when he was being conciliatory?
House: Come on. Cuddy played on his guilt. She put him up to this.
Nolan: How do you know that? How do you know this wasn't entirely his own idea?"

―Baggage

"Wilson: I'm worried about House."

―Baggage

"House: Your version needed to be ended, 'cause it's crap. It's all sweetness and light and... faith that I'm gonna choose the right path. Yeah, that sounds like Wilson.
Nolan: I have as much evidence for mine as you do for yours. I know Wilson's your friend. So he could be wondering if he did right by you. And I know he wouldn't have asked you to move out in the first place unless he was convinced you could handle life on your own."

―Baggage

"Nolan: Why are you and Wilson... friends? Do you think this friendship is the best you can do?
House: Wilson is not a consolation prize.
Nolan: There... You're defending him. And a minute ago, he was skulking around in the background like some sort of manipulative Iago.
House: He's my friend.
Nolan: So what do you value in him?
House: I can say whatever I want to him, and he'll never leave.
Nolan: He's sort of leaving. At least, he won't be around as much... because he's putting Sam first.
House: For now. After the divorce, he'll probably ask me to move in again. I take the long view."

―Baggage

"Nolan: I don't mean the Wilson thing doesn't, uh, bother you, uh, but it sounds like he's the closest you can come to a safe relationship. You'd have to do something major to screw it up."

―Baggage

Season 8

"
House: Give my apartment key back.
Wilson: If you're breaking up with me, can we at least talk about it first ?
House: Maybe if you weren't all nag and no shag.
Wilson: I don't sleep with married men."

―Man of the House

"Wilson: Go away. I've a headache.
House: We don't have to have sex. Sometimes it's nice just to cuddle and talk "

―The C Word

"Wilson: If things go wrong, I just want you to know...
House: If you're going to say, that you've been secretly gay for me, I always kind of assumed it."

―The C Word