- "Well, if it isn't the old ball and Ukraine."
- ―Man of the House
The episode marks the return of Dominika Patrova to the series for a mini-arc.
House treats a marriage expert who collapses during a seminar. However, as the patient gets worse, so do his feelings about the institution he's an expert on. House's attention is focussed on his own "marriage" when his green-card wife Dominika returns in order to prove to the immigration authorities that she and House are in a "bona fide" marriage. Faced with jail for House and deportation for Dominika, this turns into a crash course in which both will learn a little something about love and marriage while they learn about each other. House also decides to formally appoint one of his fellows as the team leader and delights when their competitive behavior disrupts their growing camaraderie.
A marriage counsellor is onstage giving a seminar before a packed house. He goes for a glass of water, but after taking a sip he starts having trouble speaking and keeping his concentration. He soon collapses off the front of the stage. His staff calls for an ambulance.
House is presenting the case to his team. In addition to his other symptoms, the patient was running a fever. However, all the tests the emergency room did were normal. The team discusses the patient’s philosophy that men should act more like women. House thinks it’s impossible. His team comes up with some ideas and collegially agree that a D-dimer test would be a good idea. At this point, House announces he’s going to appoint someone team leader. At that moment, Dominika waves at House on the way to his office. Chase updates Adams and Park that Dominika is House’s wife.
Dominika and House update each other about what they’ve been doing. House admits to throwing out certified letters from immigration and Dominika lets him know they’re for her green card interview in four days. House wishes her well when she returns to Ukraine, but Dominika baits him by saying he’s more than a match for the immigration officials, and tells him she will make an offer he can‘t refuse.
The team meets the patient and his wife. The patient says he got his new philosophy after he was beat up outside a bar. He mentions that he changed his diet and Taub thinks it might be medically relevant.
House goes to Wilson to get his spare apartment key back. Wilson is up to date on Dominika’s return and reminds House if perjures himself, he goes back to jail. House thinks there’s no chance of that happening, but Wilson reminds him that he and Dominika know nothing about each other and they only have a few days to turn themselves into a convincing married couple. House admits he’s getting $30,000 if they pass.
The D-dimer test is normal. Adams tells him the patient has given up gluten and red meat, and although she thinks it shows his lifestyle change has made him healthier, House thinks it might be a symptom. He brings up the team leader position and tells them it comes with a $50 a week raise. Park is the first one to jump at the chance. As they walk down the hallway, House asks if the patient’s behavior changed after a physical trauma. Taub says it did. House asks Park to make a copy of his apartment key.
House goes to see the patient. He asks if he was hit in the testicles and gets both Adams and Chase to bend over. He confronts the patient as to why he didn’t even try to take a look at either of their butts. House tells his team to test his testosterone levels and, if they are low, to give him hormone replacements.
The tests show the patient’s testosterone levels are low and that explains his symptoms. Taub explains he should get better on replacement therapy. Taub goes to give him a shot when the patient’s wife asks if it will increase his libido. The patient immediately comes to the conclusion that his wife hasn’t been getting enough sex. She admits she is the one who initiates sex most of the time. Taub says the patient’s sex drive will increase. However, right after the shot, the patient says he has urinated on himself. Taub realizes the testosterone could not have caused that and rescinds the discharge.
The incontinence indicates a neurological problem, but House is more interested in being quizzed on Dominika’s life history. He’s doing badly on the quiz and Adams is confused - House has memorized every detail of his team’s life. House says he has trouble remembering things he doesn‘t care about. Park thinks it might be multiple sclerosis and House agrees. Since she’s the only applicant for team leader, he appoints her to the post and goes to tell Foreman. Adams and Chase both shout out “wait” at the same time.
Adams and Chase are upset about Park’s promotion. Park is upset that they only got interested in the job when it was given to her. Taub is the only one who appears uninterested.
They give the patient a lumbar puncture. He complains that the testosterone injections are making him “amped” and he’s afraid that his life changes were just a chemical reaction.
Chase goes to Foreman to tell House to drop the whole team leader thing, but Foreman thinks it’s a good idea. It soon becomes obvious that Chase thinks he’s the only qualified person. Foreman realizes that Chase doesn’t want the job, but doesn’t want anyone else to have it either.
House is redecorating 221B Baker Street with Ukrainian cultural items. Park drops by to find Dominika dancing. She’s there to drill them on their personal details. They get the first one wrong and Park hands them each a Red Bull.
Park uses a green screen and computer to fake vacation pictures. The rest of the team, except for Taub, is still jockeying for the team leader position. However, Taub comes up with the only good idea myasthenia gravis. House agrees, compliments him on being team leader material, and orders immunoglobulin and plasmapheresis.
Taub tells House that he thinks the team leader idea is just a way to get them fighting with each other because the episode with Chase’s stabbing has them acting nice with each other. House intimates that Taub’s masculinity has taken a nosedive ever since his daughters were born. Taub sees it as acting more mature.
The patient says he’s feeling more confident and has more energy. His wife brings him a burger and he tells her how nice she looks. He comes to a decision about his business and his wife is pleased.
Wilson finds Park, House and Dominika in his office doing quizzes. House is doing much better, but Wilson points out House now knows too much detail - no one will believe he keeps up with his wife’s friends from high school. Park points out that Wilson has been divorced three times. Wilson points out he’s the only one in the room who’s every really been married, tosses Park out, and starts working with House and Dominika.
Park and Chase discuss the team leader position. Park admits Chase deserves it more, but she wants the money to pay her student debts and help out her parents. The patient is feeling much better and his double vision is now gone. Chase takes Park aside to tell her to do a better job of manipulating him, but Park points out the patient looks jaundiced. There’s something wrong with the patient’s liver.
The liver function tests confirm something’s wrong. The team argues about the diagnosis before House settles on Park’s idea of Lyme disease. House orders antibiotics and leaves for the immigration interview.
The patient is getting impatient and realizes he’s being a jerk. The wife comes in with concerns that her husband has asked for more money for her and that the DVD company might back out. He assures her things will be fine.
House and Dominika prepare for their interview. They invite in the immigration officer.
Chase goes to see the wife to reassure her that her husband will need some time to adjust to the hormone treatments. However, she’s tracked down one of his old seminars and he’s now acting the way he used to. She admits she never would have even gone out with him.
The interview is going well, but the immigration officer now has to speak to the neighbors. Dominika gets worried, but the first person the immigration officer runs into is Wilson, affecting a British accent. However, the real neighbor comes back and lets it out that Wilson is a friend of House. House assures the immigration officer that he can explain, but he’s ordered to come to the immigration office the next morning.
House’s team is together, but House is at the immigration office. The antibiotics didn’t help. House’s lawyer tells him to hang up. He listens to a couple of suggestions, but the test Taub and Adams want to do might kill the patient. House has to hang up before telling them what to do. House’s lawyer had grabbed the phone, but when it rings again, House grabs it and says it’s an alarm to remind him to pee. Once he gets to the washroom, he finds it’s Wilson telling him to claim that their marriage fell apart and that’s why they’re not living together. House realizes this means Dominika will be permanently deported. Wilson tells him the best case it he doesn’t go back to jail. House tells Wilson to tell his team to keep the patient on antibiotics. House’s lawyer comes to get him.
The patient and his wife are arguing about the deal they just made. He points out how favorable it is, but she points out he took a big risk without even asking her. His wife leaves the room. The patient is immediately regretful. Adams looks at the patient’s half finished meal and says she wants to do one more test.
House’s lawyer is arguing the matter with the immigration officer, but the immigration officer has made up his mind and says he will start deportation proceedings against Dominika and inform House’s parole officer about possible fraud. However, Dominika breaks down. She begs the immigration officer not to send House back to jail. She tells him that although they didn’t marry for love, they have become much closer over the past few days. The lawyer tells her to shut up, but she keeps talking. She says it’s fine to send her back, but she doesn’t want anything to happen to House because she loves him. The immigration officer doesn’t believe a word of it, but realizes a judge might. He agrees to let her stay, but says they will be watching both of them closely for the next six months. After they leave, Dominika admits to House that she’s too smart to fall in love with him, but she will need some space in his apartment.
Adams announces to Taub that she did the small intestine biopsy and it showed he was right about Celiac disease. However, Taub realizes she only did the biopsy to show up Chase and Park. However, they get paged because the patient is having trouble breathing. This would seem to rule out Celiac disease.
They start a new differential because the patient’s lung function is now dropping. Park suggests strongyloides because the patient has been to Puerto Rico and it explains all the symptoms. However, Taub points out that if it isn’t strongyloides, the ivermectin will probably destroy what’s left of the patient’s liver. However, House decides to go with the ivermectin anyway.
Taub is running through the patient’s videos from before his beating, and House catches him. Taub admits he’s not as aggressive as he used to be. House realizes he’s watching the videos trying to get tips. Taub points out the patient’s voice in the video is a lower pitch than it is now. House puts it down to hoarseness, and when Taub agrees, House thinks that Taub backed down again too easily, but it’s given House an idea.
House goes to the patient and tells him long term hoarseness is a symptom of silent thyroiditis. The patient says he‘s not hoarse, but House says that silent thryroiditis can be intermittent, but it‘s also a symptom of polyglandular autoimmune syndrome type III. House throws away the ivermectin because it only makes it worse. The disease moves from gland to gland in the endocrine system, which also caused his myasthenia gravis and, once he started eating gluten, Celiac disease. He just needs steroids. However, the low testosterone levels weren’t a result of this condition, although they did help it along.
House tells his team that they have all had good and bad ideas this week, so he plans a series of competitions to see who gets to be team leader between Adams, Park and Chase. They start off with suturing.
Meanwhile, the patient is asking Taub if he can cut back on the testosterone. He says he feels great, but his marriage and career are suffering. Taub tells him that there are other side effects to low testosterone levels, but the patient says he’s willing to live with them.
Taub comes by to see House running the competition, which has now moved to use of the centrifuge. He compliments Taub for not entering the competition, but says that he just did it because he’s afraid to lose. Taub offers to split the raise money with House. House agrees.
House comes home to find Dominika doing dance aerobics. He says “Honey, I’m home!”
- Dominika returns and convinces House to try to fool the immigration & naturalization service into believing they are really married. Unfortunately, their cover is blown when the immigration officer realizes that the “neighbour” he is talking to confirm their story is actually Wilson. After Dominika pleads that she loves House too much to see him go to jail, the immigration officer agrees to give them one last chance.
Zebra Factor 7/10
All forms of polyglandular autoimmune syndrome are rare.
Trivia and Cultural References
- “An offer you can’t refuse” is a famous quote from the 1972 film The Godfather.
- Bend It Like Beckham is a 2002 British comedy-drama about a young Punjabi girl who wants to play football.
- The Golden Girls is an American situation comedy about three single senior women who live with one of the women’s mother that ran from 1985 to 1992.
- Justin Bieber is a Canadian popular musician.
- Sherlock Holmes was also infamous for not remembering things he didn’t care about. Most famously, he announced he could care less about whether the earth went around the sun or the other way around. He blamed this habit on his belief that his brain was a finite space and he couldn’t afford to waste space on facts that had no bearing on his work. However, he could identify every known brand of cigar or cigarette from its ash.
- A Lightsaber is the traditional weapon of the Jedi in the Star Wars films.
- Comic-Con is an annual comic, movie and fan convention that has been held in San Diego every year since 1970.
- Taras Shevchenko is indeed regarded as the finest poet to come out of Ukraine. He is widely regarded as being the father of both modern Ukrainian literature and the modern Ukrainian language.
- Amy Grant is a popular American musician who specializes in Christian themed music.
- The song feature in the episode is "Every Heartbeat".
- A protractor is a plastic semi-circle that is used to measure and draw angles.
- Red Bull, the drink provided by Park, is an energy drink.
- Contrary to popular belief, Lemmings do not fall off cliffs during mass migrations.
- NCIS is an American drama series depicting cases from the Naval Criminal Investigative Service.
- It is interesting to note that Rena Sofer, who portrayed Marlene Reese, played a significant role in the season 7 of NCIS.
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Love is Blind